519-646-2222How Long Before I Get My Credit Back?
How Long Before I Get My Credit Back?
When people file for insolvency, they usually have just one burning question:
“How long before I get my credit back?”
Now, the sarcastic answer is:
“It’s not yours and never was.”
And let’s be honest—that’s not entirely untrue. But what people actually mean is:
“How long before I can improve my credit score so the banksters will lend me money I probably can’t repay again?”
Good news!
The answer is: Surprisingly fast!
The Banksters: Saints of Second Chances (And Third Mortgages)
You see, banksters—those suave, dead-eyed high priests of debt—aren’t really all that picky. They’re like morally flexible matchmakers, looking to pair you up with a credit product whether you’re ready for one or not.
In fact, they’re desperados on the fringes of morality, eagerly peddling plastic to new immigrants like it’s candy at Halloween. No credit history? No problem! No job? Even better! Let’s really get you in over your head.
Take RBC as an example. They’re handing out mortgages with such reckless enthusiasm you’d think they were selling hot dogs at a Jays game. They approve people for sums far beyond the value of the homes they’re buying—because hey, it’s not like consequences ever stopped a bankster from chasing a commission.
And what about the other banks? Oh, they’re just as benevolent. If you moved to Canada in the last five years, expect a buffet of credit cards, lines of credit, and confusing offers with hidden fees. No employment required! No questions asked! Just sign here and ignore the fine print!
Credit Cards: The 420-Year Retirement Plan
So, let’s talk numbers. Ever wonder how banksters calculate credit card payments?
Picture this:
You have a $10,000 credit card. You max it out buying groceries, Netflix, and one unforgettable Uber Eats binge. You commit to paying the minimum payment, which the bankster kindly sets at 1.8% monthly. What a deal!
Fast forward 420 years (yes, that’s not a typo—it’s their math, not ours), and you’ve finally paid it off. Except by then, you’ve also paid over $211,000 in interest. But hey, your ghost has perfect credit!
Now let’s get realistic. Say you’re 50 years old and still breathing oxygen like a sucker. You make minimum payments until you croak at 80. In that 30-year tango with compound interest, you’ve shelled out a cool $54,487 in interest. And if you were irresponsible enough to leave behind assets, the banksters will help themselves to the remaining $7,462 too—because why stop charging you just because you died?
The Grand $6 Trillion Magic Trick
You may be wondering: Where do the banksters get all this money to lend out?
Spoiler alert: They don’t.
According to the Bank of Canada, there are about 3 billion actual bank notes floating around. With five denominations ($5, $10, $20, $50, $100), that works out to about $111 billion in physical cash.
But Canadians owe over $6 trillion in consumer and small business debt.
Let that sink in. That’s a Ponzi pyramid-shaped miracle, more impressive than anything Jesus pulled off. He turned water into wine. The banksters turned $111 billion into $6 trillion of IOUs and overdraft charges. They truly are financial necromancers.
Here’s how it works:
Let’s say you deposit $10,000 in a bank. The banksters keep 10% (because regulations) and lend out the remaining $9,000. The recipient deposits that money, and the bank lends out $8,100, and so on until they’ve loaned out nearly $90,000 from your single $10,000.
It’s like financial Jenga—except every block is made of debt and the tower never falls. (Until it does.)
How Long Before You’re Creditworthy Again?
Let’s say you’ve filed for bankruptcy or a consumer proposal and you’re fretting about how long it’ll take before you can hop back on the debt carousel.
Rest assured: the banksters are just as eager to reconnect.
Why? Because your financial ruin is their business model. They’re like an ex who’s obsessed with getting back together—even if the last relationship ended in tears, garnishments, and a repossessed Nissan.
Once your bankruptcy or proposal is behind you, the recovery timeline isn’t as grim as you’d think. A couple of years of keeping your nose clean, and boom—credit card offers will rain down like confetti at a debt collector’s birthday party.
Final Thoughts: Back in the Saddle
So how long before you “get your credit back”?
Sooner than you expect—because banksters need borrowers more than borrowers need banksters.
They know you’re mortal, you’re forgetful, and you’ll probably fall for a shiny 0% introductory offer just like the rest of us. You may not walk on water or raise the dead, but if you’ve got a pulse and a mailbox, your next pre-approved offer is already en route.
Welcome back to the circus.